Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Like, Uh, Whatever. Yeah.

Let me first say that I don't understand Twitter at all. I mean, AT ALL. I had a twitter at one point. I tried following people, and making tweets. It just didn't make any sense to me. Sure, sometimes Mindy Kaling or somebody writes a hilarious one-liner. But the rest of it was just this garbled mash of conversations and retweets and other stuff that didn't make any sense or have any real context. I don't see how twitter works or provides any value inside its own system. The only time I ever see tweets as being interesting is when they are taken outside of a twitter feed, and given their own stand-alone place...

This is just the lead-in to the fact that I'm about to link to a buzzfeed article that is all about tweets. Maybe you've seen it already: This Guy's Live-Tweets of his Neighbor's Breakup Are Hilarious And Heartbreaking. This is twitter tweeting a narrative, which is interesting to me on two levels. At first, it's a new form of communication and storytelling, this "live tweeting". He assigns roles to each character, decides which sentences and actions to include to tell the story:





He even includes himself, the narrator, and his vote for the girl in this situation:


So there is that.

The second part that I found interesting was the words that the couple were using, the way that their argument progressed. We just have to trust Ayers as a faithful reporter of what was actually said, but I think, sadly, that at this point in our digital communication we are all guilty of the following garbage:




And the very end of their fight...



Ambiguity. The crime of ambiguity. We can text "yeah, yeah" and "whatever" until our thumbs bleed, because it makes us seem involved while we're really just too tired or scared or lost to actually commit to something. And I don't mean committing to another person or an apartment (Oh, Guy, seriously, what is your damage?) but committing to an idea, to a belief. Hold yourself to a standard. Stand up and be decisive, even in small things. Have an opinion. Decide what you want and stick to it. The guy refuses to commit to labels and to address Rachel's wants when it's somehow inconvenient for him, and then turns around and demands that she spell out where their relationship is now that he's refused to give her any clarity. She responds with "fucking whatever", which is a huge, lazy, defeated brush-off. Neither one will just say clearly. Do they not know what they want? Do any of us?

We have all these words. Why don't we use them? Why doesn't he say "I don't want to move in with you, I'm sorry." And then, she could say "Well that makes me feel ____". And maybe they would still break up in the end.

This happens a lot when we text. I find myself saying "ha", or "yeah, yeah" which could be a brush off, a tease, a dismissal, or just plain laziness. I used to know someone who said "indeed" on AOL IM back in the day. He said it so often that I started to suspect that he wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying (he wasn't) and worse, "indeed" is so patronizing (and that was sort of true, too).


My thoughts aren't complete on their whole exchange. Maybe it's because I'm a girl that I struggle when I see conversations play out like this. It's part of the vocabulary of growing up, and trying to figure out what people are really saying to you. Remember when we were younger, and we had a crush on someone, and we'd dissect their every word?

"He said "Hey" to you?"
"Oh my god, was it a "Hey", or was it more like "Hey"?"

Or worse, someone would say an actual sentence to us, and we'd have a bunch of grammar to dissect and pick over as well.

What is this? When we're young, we dig for meaning where there isn't any. Then, when we're older, we refuse to make the effort of giving meaning to our words when it's really, really necessary. Did we get lazy? Is it all this texting and tweeting? Or are we just training ourselves to be less precise over time? We don't have to marry in order to secure our fortunes anymore, so we can fall back on any old thing: any new job, any new person, any new life. We don't have to take a stance.

Are we getting pizza? (I'm scared to eat alone or be alone and I am uncomfortable and need to change the topic).

Seriously? (I refuse to admit that you might have a point because it offends me, so I demand that you justify it. Alternatively, you have just made an outrageously offensive and/or broad statement that is overgeneralizing or avoiding the issue at hand. Probably because you're a huge jerk/bitch).



I was reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix today, and there was the point where Harry decides not to tell Ron and Hermione that Umbridge is basically torturing him with the weird pen. Then, about a chapter later, he changes his mind and decides to be open with Ron after Ron is open with him. I thought "Way to go, dude!"

It's a hugely frustrating plot point when people keep things from one another for no reason at all. In The Eye of the World the main character, whatever the hell his name was, decides not to tell his crazy creepy dreams to the one person he knows could help him, all because he has some stubborn prejudice against her. While that keeps with his character, it also makes the reader hate him as a character. I always end up white-knuckling the pages, screaming "Just tell her about the devil trying to kill you, you stupid moron!"

She, meanwhile, fully suspects/knows what's up.


It even frustrates me a bit in Austen, when the whole plot hingers on the fact that people are too delicate to mention something ("Hey, sister, why are you crying to the point that you are probably going to get sick and die? Oh, I can't mention anything. Damn. Welp, what kind of flowers would you like at your funeral?") that would basically resolve the whole thing in 5 minutes. Remember Pride and Prejudice? Everyone is waiting for Bingley to propose to Jane, including Elizabeth, yet Elizabeth won't leave them alone in the room and has to be basically tricked into allowing private, honest communication between the pair of them.


So, what's this all about?

Communication, what has happened to it?

Why did society insist upon ambiguity? Why, when we share all our lives so openly on Facebook, are we so incapable of really sharing what we really think? Was "Guy" saying those things because his true thoughts would hurt Rachel? Or was he just floating along without any thought at all? Why don't we all demand clarity? Is it because we're afraid that the truth will hurt us? (Probably, it will). And really, who would even make a quill pen that could write into someone's flesh? What is the point of that?

Other than to remind us not to tell lies?
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