Sorry NaNo

I quit NaNoWriMo today.

Sorry.

I hate quitting things. But I definitely wasn't feeling happy anymore, and when I decided "I'll stop now," I felt a great relief come over me.

This year is just not my year. It's ok.

There will be other years, and other writings, and other stories. Right now I need to take a break and take some sleep, too, and maybe take some time.

Still feeling good

I woke up with a headache, but I think I'm just dehydrated. It'll be ok. 

Wow. Ouch. Ok, really dehydrated.

I also didn't have proper lunch or dinner yesterday... My fantastic friend Ashley and I just ate snacks up in our light/sound booth at the theater. Not healthy snacks, either :)

When I was a kid and I got sick, my mom gave me a bell sometimes so I could call her (because I couldn't call out with my voice). If I had a bell right now, I would ring for a cup of tea and a hot crepe or pancake, a bowl of yogurt with nice hearty granola, and maybe a mimosa. You know, for the fruit...

Suppose I'll get up and get some tea at least, and maybe an apple. I went to sleep under a pile of laundry that I've been trying to finish for three days (been too tired) and I think it's time to finally deal with that.

A couple years ago I had a bad fight with a friend, which turned my body inside out. I was so sick from stress, it was unbelievable. I ended up sobbing in the doctors reception in a Friday afternoon as they were trying to close up, begging to be helped (spoiler: I was totally fine in the end).  The next year, I got sick again, over the holidays, all due to holiday stress and some friend strain. My superhero friend Lauren gave me tools for dealing with some of the symptoms, and bottomless support. 

This year, here come the holidays again, the most emotionally and physically stressful time of the year, for many of us I am sure. I always feel angry too, because i want to have a happy time, to enjoy nice snow and warm drinks, to see people I love, to have a nice season and do activities and go places and have a good life... But it's so difficult! Why can't it be easy?! 

Anyway, here they are again this year. And I'm in TIP-TOP SHAPE. I can't tell you how amazing i feel physically, and how much more whole I've become emotionally. I'm not 100% in either area, but I feel so much more prepared to take on the next few months. How about you?!

Cold nights, new eyes

I'm so happy with how the last few days have gone. I'm exhausted, but I got to spend some time with amazingly talented, creative, funny, and kind people. I met new random folks, brought them in to share in the moment, and waved a happy goodbye. I worked hard and played hard and ate a lot of cashews and chocolate. I came home tonight past midnight, feeling so buoyed with optimism and hope for what is yet to come. 

I feel a tiny bit selfish to wish for more at this point, but I wish I had someone to share in my joy and eagerness right now. I need a partner in this exciting world, someone I can trust to have my back, to bring fun times and serious depth, someone silly and smart and open to me. I'm looking harder at my life and the people in it because I want to only bring in good. 

Life is good these days, and I'm very very lucky ❤️ tonight I sleep with the warmest blanket.