Merry Christmas!

Today is a magic day...

I have no errands to run.

I have no chores to do.

I have nothing to do, except read these books. And drink tea. And maybe text with a few friends, wishing them merry days, and feeling a smile. And eat snacks.

We don't really do Christmas anymore at my house. I didn't ask for anything. I got some books for the library, because that's what I need for the day. (I have received two pairs of socks this year. EXCELLENT!! I am wearing them right now and I am so cozy and ready to snuggle up for the day)

The question is not how far I will get in a book.

The question is, how many books will I finish today?

It's not even 10 a.m. yet I am SO READY for this!

Book Loss

This morning I reached for my mama's Spinnerin Fisherman Afghan knitting magazine.

It was gone.

It's gone forever. I knew that with the certainty that comes with having a messy room and a messy head and a messy life -- sometimes things are buried or fall down the cracks, and sometimes, they're just gone. And you know, you know within a very short period of time, which one is true.

I haven't had a panic attack since spring, and I certainly didn't expect it to be the loss of a book that would trigger the next one. Luckily I saw it coming, stopped the frantic searching, took off my sweater, drank a glass of water, and hopped on the computer.

It was so weird, feeling that anxiety come on, and intellectually knowing that it was over a book, a book that I wasn't even going to use in the next 5 hours, but having to get on eBay right away in order to buy a replacement copy that very second. I staved off the complete emotional breakdown, ate an English muffin, and went off to a baby shower. Still thinking about that book. It won't be delivered until later this week, next week at the latest

(please don't let it be next week, I can't handle waiting that long)

I'm grateful for eBay.

Spinnerin is a magazine from the 70's, and I had despaired for a long time of finding more magazines. It's a goddamn miracle that I remembered the magazine title, and was able to find the exact copy I needed within literally less than 1 minute of internet searching.

I learned how to knit, how to really knit, from this magazine. I have a blanket my mama made from one of the patterns, I've completed three afghans to date, and have 4 more in various stages.

It's gone, I don't know where it went, my gut tells me it got thrown away (it looks tatty and something like the advertisement magazines you get in the Sunday paper). If I find it, I'll laugh, but I know I won't find it. Whenever I need to lay my hands on something, I can do it. I can find anything. When I can't find a thing, when my hands are touching air, then I know. I know it's gone.

I know when it's gone.

I'm looking at my bookshelf now, wondering if any of them were to disappear, would I freak out?

Hmmm it appears I am missing a few things, I can see... one of my British duplicates (worth having if changes were made to the American version). I think I know where it is though. The John Allison books are out of print and ridiculously expensive to buy these days, so I would be annoyed if I lost my copies, but probably not upset.

Oh, I bought another copy of Emma because it was bound upside-down and had great design.

The shelf with all the children's books, I think, would maybe panic me a little bit. Children's books are weirdly difficult to find, especially picture books, because your brain is going to remember the illustrations, and not necessarily the story. I have a small catalogue in my brain of things I saw once, or things I read over and over as a child, but haven't been able to find again because it's a visual memory and you can't reverse image-search your brain.

(wouldn't that be neat though, if you could?)

One of them is Piggins by Jane Yolen, which is about a Victorian household of Foxes, with Piggins in the pig butler, and he solves a crime over dinner. It had these gorgeous illustrations of the Victorian house and all the domesticity, and of course, the jewels and fancy dress and it fascinated me as a child. It took me years and years to find that book again but it was completely worth it.

Are you missing anything from your childhood?

Do you guys remember the book about the two girls who were best friends, but one of them went to summer camp, and the one who was left behind had these weird fantasies about rescuing her friend from camp and bringing her home and giving her an IV of chocolate milk?

Sorry NaNo

I quit NaNoWriMo today.

Sorry.

I hate quitting things. But I definitely wasn't feeling happy anymore, and when I decided "I'll stop now," I felt a great relief come over me.

This year is just not my year. It's ok.

There will be other years, and other writings, and other stories. Right now I need to take a break and take some sleep, too, and maybe take some time.

Still feeling good

I woke up with a headache, but I think I'm just dehydrated. It'll be ok. 

Wow. Ouch. Ok, really dehydrated.

I also didn't have proper lunch or dinner yesterday... My fantastic friend Ashley and I just ate snacks up in our light/sound booth at the theater. Not healthy snacks, either :)

When I was a kid and I got sick, my mom gave me a bell sometimes so I could call her (because I couldn't call out with my voice). If I had a bell right now, I would ring for a cup of tea and a hot crepe or pancake, a bowl of yogurt with nice hearty granola, and maybe a mimosa. You know, for the fruit...

Suppose I'll get up and get some tea at least, and maybe an apple. I went to sleep under a pile of laundry that I've been trying to finish for three days (been too tired) and I think it's time to finally deal with that.

A couple years ago I had a bad fight with a friend, which turned my body inside out. I was so sick from stress, it was unbelievable. I ended up sobbing in the doctors reception in a Friday afternoon as they were trying to close up, begging to be helped (spoiler: I was totally fine in the end).  The next year, I got sick again, over the holidays, all due to holiday stress and some friend strain. My superhero friend Lauren gave me tools for dealing with some of the symptoms, and bottomless support. 

This year, here come the holidays again, the most emotionally and physically stressful time of the year, for many of us I am sure. I always feel angry too, because i want to have a happy time, to enjoy nice snow and warm drinks, to see people I love, to have a nice season and do activities and go places and have a good life... But it's so difficult! Why can't it be easy?! 

Anyway, here they are again this year. And I'm in TIP-TOP SHAPE. I can't tell you how amazing i feel physically, and how much more whole I've become emotionally. I'm not 100% in either area, but I feel so much more prepared to take on the next few months. How about you?!

Cold nights, new eyes

I'm so happy with how the last few days have gone. I'm exhausted, but I got to spend some time with amazingly talented, creative, funny, and kind people. I met new random folks, brought them in to share in the moment, and waved a happy goodbye. I worked hard and played hard and ate a lot of cashews and chocolate. I came home tonight past midnight, feeling so buoyed with optimism and hope for what is yet to come. 

I feel a tiny bit selfish to wish for more at this point, but I wish I had someone to share in my joy and eagerness right now. I need a partner in this exciting world, someone I can trust to have my back, to bring fun times and serious depth, someone silly and smart and open to me. I'm looking harder at my life and the people in it because I want to only bring in good. 

Life is good these days, and I'm very very lucky ❤️ tonight I sleep with the warmest blanket. 

A Day Off

Hi pals! Wow...

This is me today. It's reached 80F, and I'm so lazy. Where I'm laying, there is no sun, and the breeze is cooling me... It's perfect! But I can see the sun, and hear the birds chirping and cawing. It's perfect.

Today is the second day in my weekend. I got two days off in a row, and on this, the second day, I don't... I don't have to do anything. 

It's strange. For so long, I've been doing so much, but today, my running project is over (well not OVER over, but today is a rest day from exercise), my performance project is over, I have no unresolved or outstanding work and job things, no giant household jobs to do, no necessary laundry, no writing projects, my vacation isn't close enough for me to be actively preparing...

I had nothing I needed to do today. 

So I stayed out of the sun and made no sudden movements. I ate some food and read some books. I bought some more stakes for the garden. 

All the while thinking, "These are mundane things, they are not my true things..." In other words, if I have a day which can be devoted entirely to myself, why is it that I accomplish nothing in particular?

I didn't, for example, say "Ah, now at last I can work on this, my creative soul, by writing this story or making this art journal or making this music!" I didn't read anything new or powerful (well, powerful enjoyable, maybe, just not powerful life-changing). I relaxed, but not with any finesse. There was no pampering, no spa treatment or special day-off luxury to my action. I didn't meet anyone after a long absence, or explore a new place, or do anything in particular that required exertion of any sort. 

Are these things necessary though? I don't believe so. I don't feel bad for not being particularly creative or productive on my day off. 

These are the days my friend, these are the days.

These summer days.

A few weeks ago I met a friend for ice cream on my way home from the cities. Just to stop, spontaneously, and enjoy ice cream on the street at night was a sweet relief to the rushing around that I do. The long nights driving home from here and there, passing places and people and events and knowing that I have to keep going, keep pushing East, because that's all there is for me most nights... that wears me down. I just feel like a robot, going here and there. People ask me what I'm up to these days, and the answer is always the same: I work, sleep, and run. And none of those things are wholly me. And that's ok, for now.

My best friend told me a story about trying for a new situation, and not being mentally prepared for it, and then being denied access in the end. The second time around she was absolutely certain, and had all her ducks in a row, and found success. Her point was that even if you think you're ready to move forward, you need to acclimate yourself to that idea. If you had success in the first situation, it might still go all wrong and fail because you hadn't yet reached the point where you were OK with the new and unknown. Fear, and struggling to be competent in the face of the unknown, are great motivators to push forward and try your best, but it's fine, even preferable to fail at first, because you are then given the opportunity to solidify your opinions and your will. You can try again with an absolute certainty that you are doing the right thing for yourself, or, you perhaps learn that it wasn't the right thing and you take failure as a blessing.

I whisper "Remember, remember" to myself, because I want to remember what happened to me in the past. I like to jump into things with both feet. Sometimes that's great. Sometimes it isn't. I feel pretty confident these days, though, even when I'm not jumping into anything (like today. I'm jumping into my hammock in about 5 minutes, but that's it!).

You can't step in the same river twice, they say, and that's true, so I can try again and again. But some rivers become oxbow lakes, and all rivers are wet, so remember how it feels to have wet and squishy sneakers for hours, and ask yourself it that's really worth it.


In a few hours I'm going to see someone I haven't seen in a while, and we're going to gossip for ages and plot our next moves in this badass city, and eat izakaya food, and watch a show all glamorous and sparkly.

Perfect summer nights

Commitment

Yesterday afternoon, I read this in a book:

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love" 

- Anne Morris

 I thought about it all day, and all day today, because it really resonated with me. I was thinking hard about it as I drove home today.

When I got home tonight, I looked it up. Here's the full quote:

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life" - Anne Morris

Wow, that's even better.

I was thinking about it so strongly, because I've committed to a couple things recently... a new exercise habit, an eating habit.

But somehow it wasn't right for me and I was getting really stressed out.

I was getting stuck in this hate spiral where I liked how I felt physically, but mentally I was really unhappy. And I couldn't figure it out. I felt really pressured and paranoid about what I was doing, and I felt like a big failure. Even though I was technically doing all the things I had said I would do, and wasn't failing by any outside measure.

I think what Morris says is true: when you commit to something, it really does free you up. You don't have to question should I do this or that, you've decided a goal for yourself. You work for something, love something, enjoy something. You decide that, and then you are free to explore the nuances of that thing. Even when I was busy hating on my choices, I was free from questioning my choice. When I chose to step away from a commitment, that was an entirely new, and equally freeing choice.

Next Thursday, my latest commitment ends. I'll graduate school with my Masters in Library Science. It's taken me 3 years, which is about right for me. Nothing I've done has stayed good for longer than three years. No job, no school, no relationship -- every time they hit the 3 year mark, things went wrong.

So I'm glad that I'm done. I'm afraid of commitment, in a certain light. I'm afraid of contracts and leases, of being legally tied down. Having an apartment even freaks me out, not that golden opportunities have ever pounded at my door and demanded that I pack my bags and rush off on adventure, but still, you never know.  

I'm less afraid of classes and experiences -- things where you can run away if you really need to, but at cost. It's easier to weigh the cost/benefit to that situation, because you can put numbers on it. I'm afraid of personal commitments, because I hate to let people down or disappoint them, and vice versa. And there is no way to attach numbers to feelings. Regardless of fear, I still commit to classes and experiences and people, because I find those things to be the most rewarding, and generally worth the risk, and absolutely freeing in terms of being able to pour my soul into something.

I recognized a long time ago that I couldn't second-guess myself. Once I make a decision, it's difficult to change, because I'm putting my heart into it. I don't make decisions lightly, even though it seems like it. Always there is evaluation, a long process of thinking and watching from the sidelines, before I decide to let something into my life and grasp it with both hands. I want to commit and stick through with something to the end. You could call it stupid, or loyal, or whatever you want. It's me, in the end.

But now my commitment is done. Goal accomplished. Classes completed. So even though that risk (my risk of time and finances) is now gone, some of my freedom is gone too. Which is weird because I'm also gaining lots of free time... which of course begs the question, do these commitments just serve as a time-sucking distraction from another gaping hole in your soul? & so on...

Now, I worry about my internal critic, and about the choices I'll need to make soon. I'm just over 3 years into my current job, and it's showing. In my thought patterns, in my diary, in my daily patterns, I've seen the 3-year-mark tick over. I've felt the return of Saturn. I feel my soul tugged in several directions -- some of them healthy, some of them destructive, some unrealistic, some too easy.

I've talked about this a little bit with the cat I'm babysitting.

She seems to understand.

Things I Love Thursday - Sleep

I couldn't find my lovepig file. Make do with a little love bomb instead.

HEIGH HO PALS, It's Things I Love Thursday!

I'm going to bed soon, because I'm exhausted by this whole week, and it isn't even tomorrow yet! Tomorrow is going to be a JAM PACKED day full of fun and ladies and laughing and glitter and lights and maybe even booze... and also a WHOLE LOTTA WORK because that's what it takes to get your party on. You put in the hours, and it pays off in spades. 

Is that phrase a poker thing? I don't play poker. My emotions are too obvious. 

What turns your crank this week (Oooer! Too far?)(Please don't turn your crank too far it's not safe)

(Oh my god)

I LOVE:

♥ My new haircut!! ♥

Like a Queen, obviously

It's basically the same as my old haircut, but with the bad ends off. I went to a new salon, just for curly hair, and they knew exactly what to do. They also SHOWED ME exactly what to do to get the look I wanted, the healthiest hair, and all at the level of work that I am willing to put into a hairdo (zero effort). Bliss! My years of hunting for a stylist have ENDED!! Curls without frizz, a look without having work at it -- I'm in love!!

Simply thrilled!

MORE GREAT STUFF:

♥ People who bring me chocolate when I complain about not having any. ♥ 

Pretty much the best ever, after the whole hair thing.

♥ The "You got this" squeeze from someone, when I totally got this ♥

Usually I haaaaate being touched randomly by people -- when folks put their hand on your arm as they're talking to you, or touch your shoulder... it makes me nuts. I actually ♥love♥ being touched but I hate it when it's so... general? Don't touch me, lady I barely know. Get your hand off my arm, dude who is asking me some inane question. Take your light and tepid touch the hell away from me unless you know I want it, and trust me, I probably don't.

Touch me to tell me something. Tell me I got this with a squeeze on my arm. Let me know you're passing behind me and I shouldn't back up by nudging my back. High five me because we're both awesome. Hug me goodbye. Tell me stuff when you touch me. Friendly stuff, safety stuff, sexy stuff, sad stuff, all of that stuff you have to say. 

♥ Stage Lights ♥ 

Can you say... power? 

I got to make all the colors work. I decide the colors. I make the colors. SO FUN!!

♥ Quality time with my family and favorite people. ♥ 

Playing games and talking isn't something I get to do very often with my family, and I'm thankful for every time it happens. 

♥  L'Occitane perfumes ♥ 

SWOON, I can't get over how great these smell!!

♥ TRAVEL!! ♥ 

I've got three trips coming up: to Boston, to Milwaukee, and to JAPAN!!! So thrilled to be packing my bags and rocking off to see amazing people and beautiful places in the world!! Each trip, I'm either traveling with someone awesome (Hello road trip!!) or going to see someone super rad... in some cases, both!!! I feel very lucky and blessed to be able to travel around, and I don't want to waste a second of it. 

SOUND OFF! 

How are you guys doing?

Happy I hope!!

Current bookish update, Emergency preparedness

Hello pals, what seems to be happening today? It's Friday -- an actual Friday for me, not to brag, but I did get the weekend off. I have most EXCELLENT plans with my dear darling pal Jennie tomorrow, and then some business and food and maybe even pals on Sunday.

Unfortunately, I also have an extraordinary amount of school work to accomplish. For example, a 2500-word paper for Tuesday. Which I have not really started. That's a bit demoralizing, although I can't complain on too much, because it's my own fault for not having it all taken care of weeks ago. And I have three additional books to finish before that class. I'm really enjoying the first one I'm reading, but I think that sadly the time has come to stop enjoying, and just start plowing on through.

This is on top of the fact that it is spring, and I have things I want to do outside, like making raised garden beds.

No. As soon as I finish this post I'm going to get cracking on that paper...

...anyway...

Required reading for school is Pretty Good White Boy, Sex and Violence, Chasing Shadows, and Fat Boy Vs. The Cheerleaders. I also checked out Digital Boy, which we had talked about in class.

...but what I really want to read is Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me, which is the tenth and final Confessions of Georgia Nicholson book, which is sort of a teen-age version of Bridget Jones. I would take a picture, but I left the library copy in the car, and I can't find my copy of Angus Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging, the first book in the series.

I can't quite explain why I love the Angus series (as it is always known in my head, rather than the Georgia series) so much. It's very... young, I guess. I keep forgetting that the main character is 14 at the beginning. I realized in book... 8? 9? that the whole thing has only been happening over a series of MONTHS, which is bonkers considering how much happens (or doesn't happen), and how totally so-called-life-changing and dramatic it all is. I suppose that's how it was when I was young too... that the space of a few months could be sooooo long and drama-filled?

I don't really remember that much, hahaha.

At any rate, that's what I want to be reading now. It's not too often that I reach the end of a series (other than those endless, completely interchangeable distopian trilogies that are everywhere these days) and it's a little bit sad feeling... especially because the series has really kept my emotions and my interest involved the whole time. When Angus got hit by a car in book 8 or 9, I cried.

Meanwhile, in the Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes series, if you suddenly announced to me that the next book was going to be the last, I don't think I'd be particularly bothered that much? Having lost interest & emotional involvement several books ago...

Meanwhile, knowing that Pat Rothfuss's next book is going to be his last in his giant epic trilogy (not distopian future, in case you were wondering) gives me time to emotionally prepare for it, and expect for things to wrap up...

Meanwhile, back in Angus, I picked up the next book in line not realizing  that it was the last one. Not until I read the forward note. How sad!! I suppose I'll have to go back and read them all again in a year or so...

...do you guys feel this book melancholy??

Anyway, the reason I can't show you a picture of it is because it's in my car, and I don't feel like going outside. And the reason it's in my car is because I was out and about on a whole bunch of errands and friend-things last night, and having a book in my car is part of my Emergency Preparedness Kit. I had a period of my life when I was carting multiple bags back and forth, going to work and school and doing shows, and it was imperative that each of those bags had a book in it.
Now, almost every time I leave the house, I make sure that I have the following in my car:

• phone charger
• book
• another book
• probably another book just in case
• spare underwear
• spare work clothes, nametag, knife
• toothbrush (it just lives in my glove compartment actually)
• spare shoes, different style than the shoes I am currently wearing
• waterbottle full of water

In the winter, a spare jacket, snowpants, and hat are added to that mix. 

The other day I was talking to my excellent friend Michael about what we would save if there was a fire, because let's face it, unless your room is the room that is actively on fire, you are a silly human and will probably grab something on your way out the door. Hopefully it is your cell phone so you can call the fire department. 

I'd save the photos next to my bed, because they are easy to grab, and because I put important photos next to my bed. I keep thinking "You really ought to digitize your old photos" but since I always have this thought right before bed, I never end up doing it in the morning. That'll be a project for April and May I think? Please nobody burn down my house before then. 

The other thing I think I'd want to save is my journals. Everything else, even my rare books and my collections, are just things... journals are things too, but they are by far the most unique things I have in my possession. I don't know how valuable they are, since they're just wittering on about mundane stuff in my life, and I don't think anyone in the future would really care about them, and it's not like I'd ever go back and re-read them... but they are indeed a piece of me. 

I'd save my doll, Molly, and my cats, who I hope would run anyway. 

I'm feeling a bit maudlin now. Everyone take care out there. Write in your journal. Hug your animal friend. Pat your plants. High-five that guy who annoys you. 

Resting Bitch Face

....I think I might have one. The serious way I look at the world translates to my face, and for the past, oh, two years, I've felt very seriously about the world around me. I've looked at it with concern, and worry, and that translates to my skin.

You know when you put on mascara, or put in or take out your contact lenses, there is an involuntary fish-mouth that happens? In order to mess around with your eyes, your eyebrows shoot up and your mouth gapes in a weird way.
I hated that, and so I trained myself not to do it. It wasn't hard, retraining my face and keeping my damn mouth shut. Now, it's not even an effort. I just shut my mouth and get on with my makeup.

I say this not to talk about how I look, but rather to talk about how the expression on your face is often an unconscious reflection or involuntary creation of your internal mood. They say if you smile, your brain will begin to feel happy because smiling is associated with happiness. They also say that frowning too much will give you frown lines, which is not something I'm actually worried about because I don't care, but who wants to be the person scowling all the time?

Anyway. Resting bitch face.

I read a book recently, more and more books recently, that were... for lack of a better word, cheap. Quick, satisfying thrills, things that I could read in an afternoon or two, things that I tore through with little regard for how they stood in the Great Hierarchy of Books. I'm reading Divergent right now because I plan on going to see the next movie soon, and I'd like to read the books first... or maybe see the movie first, I don't actually mind doing it the other way around when I've already spoiled the first book with the movie.

Anyway.

These cheap books, these cheap thrills, are legitimate thrills. I don't think they're "cheap" in a bad way, and I don't feel bad for reading them. I enjoy them a lot, and I began to wonder what I looked like when I read them. Because the way I've been feeling lately, ever since my birthday a week ago, has been different. Lighter. I feel like I let go of some troubles and cares that had been weighing on me for a long time. I don't think that is the cause of my new reading habits, but I think that allowing myself more and more small, so-called "guilty" pleasures is one side effect of having a lighter soul.

I thought about training my face to be lighter. Not to have a scowl, or that tiny worry frown stuck in the center of my forehead all the time. What does a face say about a feeling? Plenty, I'm sure. A trained face can say or conceal anything, with control.

Spring is here, finally. I'm happy these days, and I want to reflect that.

Things I love Thursday: tea, again!

I'm posting this using the blogger app for the first time, so I'm wondering if you are seeing some formatting strangeness... This is just a test, you know?

I got a new bit of tea the other day: check it out! Green tea is some of my favorite, and my dear friend was kind enough to give me a few packets to try. It started out fairly green in my cup, then deepened to a more orange and burnt color. The flavor is really good, it reminds me of teachers room tea. A bit dry and bitey at the end, but in a way that I enjoy. 

Tea Samples

Let's be real: the above shirt describes me pretty well. So well, in fact, that I just used a coupon that I had laying about to purchase it (in green!) so that when I'm working out, you'll know what I'm really thinking about. 

But let's not forget an important component in the whole system (really simple system) that makes up who I am: Tea.

Tea is the fuel for the fire, the juice that lubricates my thinking brain and my keeping-awake-eyeballs, it's the stuff of champions, the nectar of Calliope and all the other muses, the basic building block of all that hydrates me. 

Water, after all, is simply tea with the leaves taken out. 

This past holiday season was really good in the tea department!!

I talked already about the great loose tea set I was given in November, and the ManaTea tea infuser I got from my Secret Santa. Next up in the tea department is....

Harney & Sons individual samples!!

I started drinking Harney & Sons a year or so ago. I bought it at a fancy-britches grocery store because it was in the middle of their price range, came in a fancy tin, and the Earl Grey smelled really great. Yum! I moved on to Paris, a black tea with vanilla notes. 

Recently, my friend gave me a Paris and a Lemon Verbena individual packets, and the description for Paris was totally different than the copy on the tin. But they tasted about the same, so perhaps it's just marketing? The Lemon Verbena was amazing. I stopped drinking lemon tea and citrus tea in general a long time ago, because the stuff Celestial Seasonings was carrying just wasn't very tasty. Harney & Sons has completely changed my tune about lemon teas! 

In the past I've only ordered teas from Lupica, which has a fantastic variety of loose teas at reasonable prices. My favorite is Yume, a black blend with strawberry, vanilla, and rose.

It's hard to compare Lupica with Harney & Sons in terms of value, since it's difficult to do side-by-side comparisons by website descriptions alone. Still, it seems that each company offers a range of quality within each tea type, which makes me feel comfortable about taking a gamble on some of the pricier fancy teas. I have a range of Japanese tea cups that I got as going-away presents, and I want to drink teas worthy of such beautiful cups. 

Someday I'll round up all my tea and talk about it, because I have some really nice ones so far...

Next time we'll get back to books, I promise!!

Things I Love Thursday - The Weekend

Hi everybody!! I completely forgot it was TiLT until Katie did this great Thursday post from lovely Italy!!

Love Pig Love Pig Kiss Kiss Kiss!!

This Thursday, I love:

♥ THE WEEKEND!! I'm just having my Sunday right now, it was SO NICE to have two solid days off!! I made it to the library, and got to see a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and the rest of the time was spent reading, studying, eating cheeses... Very relaxed!! Sometimes having time off is bad for me, because I either get too lonely or restless, OR I end up going out and spending piles of money on stuff. This weekend was so very very nice to me.

♥ Sleep. Lately, I've managed to sleep all the way through the night, and I've had good dreams. You can't beat that!

♥ Coffee dates with good friends! Even though afterward my heart is always beating too fast.

♥ Future plans with good friends!! I love having things to look forward to, and I've got some really fun ones coming up!

Here comes the future, you guys!

Greet it with open arms and a loving smile!!

Stuck in the 100's

Sometimes you just accidentally end up in one place or another, and neglect to explore the whole area.

I didn't make it past the first two corridors of the non-fiction section

The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking: How Irrational Beliefs Keep Us Happy, Healthy, and Sane by Matthew Hutson. I picked this up randomly, because I wanted to know how to be happy, but I think it's preaching to the choir. I am basically composed 50% of Irrational Beliefs & Passionate Emotion, and 50% Cold, Unyielding Logic. 

The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, who approaches love from having studied law, religion, and sociology. He begins with the premise that the difficulty we have in love is from our lack of exercising the faculty, but we mistake our repeat failures as being caused by the object. In other words, we don't practice our art, and then cry over a lifetime of bad paintings, sobbing that there must be something wrong with the canvas. I like logic applied to emotion, because (see above). Also because I can't make heads nor tails of other people. 

The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson. The only book not having to do with self improvement, unless my ultimate aim is to be the subject of a particularly entertaining obituary. Hmmm.

Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know By The Time She's 30 by the editors of Glamour. I almost didn't include this in the picture because I'm slightly ashamed of having picked it up, but let's face it -- I am, occasionally, pathetic. It's just like reading a magazine, but longer, and in book form, and without all the ads. My best friend is turning 29 this week, which reminds me that I only have about 15 months until I'M 30, and while that doesn't necessarily freak me out, I feel like a failure a lot of the time for not having my life together more, or at least together enough that I can feel unashamed of inviting people in to that life on any real or meaningful level. (Spoiler: I actually have a lot of the things on the list. IN YOUR FACE, 30!)

The Rook by Daniel O'Malley YES I have read this book before it's brilliant and you should go read it too, if you like BOOKS. AT ALL. And supernatural stuff, and bureaucracy, and laughing. 

My brother got a book all about deep sea creatures, with lots of really great photos of blobby horrors and giant things with glowing eyes and tentacles. He has much better taste in books than I do, sometimes.

Also in the photo above, you can see my skirt of the day. My brother very kindly gave me some Crimbo Cash in the form of a Target gift card, which I used on two very nice skirts:

From yesterday, for my library outing. I was in a deep deep funk, which I think was showing on my face, which is why I was hiding under a big hood, but the worse I feel, the more I want to look pretty, so I used the skirt to let my legs have the day free. 

Skirt #2, being let out of the closet today for a coffee date. I don't quite know how to style this one: most of the shirts I have don't work with it quite right. I could wear a blouse, but it's cold enough that I'd then have to wear a jacket, and then you wouldn't be able to see my cute outfit, and then WHAT IS THE POINT I ASK YOU. I thought about buying a bodysuit from Black Milk to solve the problem, but imagining trying to use a toilet in bodysuit + skirt was just too horrifying. For now, leggings and a track shirt do the trick.

How's it going, you guys? It's warming up where I live, and that's something. I hope everything is ok with you.