Hi friends.
I hope your week is going well.
I wasn't sure how to write this list this week, because I've been so emotionally wrung out. Highs and lows took me on a terrible ride the past 4 days, and left me here tonight, spat out on my couch with dry but burning eyes. My confidence fell apart, my health fell apart, my running fell apart, but I am here now, still loving, still together.
I'm fine, everything is fine, I just need a moment to collect before I can move forward.
I think what I love most this week is quiet moments. I made plans three times for tonight... twice the other person cancelled, and I cancelled the final plan. Sometimes I don't know what's best for me -- no, that's not accurate. I know what's best for me, but I can't always follow through. It's hard to say "The best thing for me is to be home, alone, in my pajamas, without talking to anybody" when so much of my time is spent reaching for the exact opposite.
It's not that I don't love my personal time -- I do, I love my personal time, but knowing when it's really necessary when you're having a rough week can be a challenge. I kept getting in the car, and then getting out and walking back inside, confused and frustrated. I wanted to go somewhere, but I didn't know where. I didn't want to be alone with myself. But I'm glad I'm here now, even if it took a while to get here. I'm glad I said No.
My plants are doing pretty well. I like the atmosphere they make.
I kind of wish my stuffed bear would come to life. That would be pretty great. I would feed him zucchini and popcorn, because that's what I have to eat right now, and he would give me a giant hug and not maul me even a little bit.
We're watching silly shows on Netflix and cutting up T-shirts for arts and crafts. (I love arts and crafts). More popcorn for me, bear!
Oh hey also a big shout-out to my bestie friend Lauren who I love very much and who is is kind and wise, and a shout-out to my sweet lovely boss who lets me change my work schedule on the fly when I have things come up, and props to my manager who brought some A-game to me when I couldn't bring it myself, and love to my bestie friend who cooked for me and said kind things when I was beset by sadness, and extra hugs to Purrsia the beautiful sweet kitty.
Also I love the rain.
(except I lost both my umbrellas... that was something I found out at the exact wrong moment).
(Love you anyway, rain).
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